Living with an alcoholic partner can be physically and emotionally draining. Learning how to deal with an alcoholic spouse as well as looking after yourself can be stressful and often, support is needed to help manage. We have put together some recommendations on how to look after yourself and the other people living in your household.
The idea of talking to your alcoholic partner about their drinking can be daunting. We have put together advice so you can go into the conversation with confidence, and make sure that it is as effective as possible.
At Priory Group, we have rehabilitation centres throughout the UK. Typically, when a person comes to us with an alcohol addiction, they will go through an Addiction Treatment Programme , which includes the following:. In light of the coronavirus outbreak, our addiction treatment team have been working hard to quickly and effectively adapt our practices so that we are able to safely provide addiction support. It made me so frustrated, so nervous, that I began to take it out on my children.
The least thing they did that bothered me, like a bit of spilled milk or childish wrangling, would cause me to fly into an uncontrollable rage until I had exhausted myself and sat trembling with fear at what my terrible temper was doing to my little ones.
I realized that I was punishing them for what had been done to me. I knew I would have to find other outlets for these feelings. She told us what she did about her anger instead of repressing it or venting it on innocent victims. I realize now that I was often the one who started it when he came home drunk.
The result was always the same. I would go out in the backyard and dig. Eventually, I had a nice big patch of ground dug up to plant things in. And for a really satisfying outlet, one member of my group recommended making bread.
Sports like bowling or golf and tennis are great for releasing hostility. In addition to that, concentrating on winning the game keeps our minds free from tormenting thoughts. Someone suggested to her that she give vent to her verbal explosions in the shower, and she tried it.
If we can do that, we can be as violent as we please nobody else is going to see it anyway. We may not be able to control how we feel but we can control what we do about it. Bottling up anger destroys our peace of mind and often takes physical form in headaches, backaches, and other discomforts.
Anger should be recognized and released as quickly as possible, and without guilt. We can pave the way for calm, reasonable communication with him only if we first find healthy outlets for our own negative feelings. So much has been said about communicating in words that we may lose sight of another important element in communication, our attitudes, apart from the words we speak. A simple example might be an irritated spouse with a comment to deliver may hurl it at her husband as she would throw a stone at a dog.
We learn in time that it is not subjects which are controversial, but the manner in which we communicate about them and the elements of personal blame we add to them in anger.
But last night I had a slip. I felt so sorry for him; my first impulse was to comfort him by trying to make light of the whole thing. What should I have done, and what do I do now? Or do you think we can do it ourselves? This brought a storm of protest; three hands went up. Will you please have it fixed? He felt bad about what he had done, and was only too happy to have a chance to make up for it. A member once remarked that she had worked out a little set of rules for herself about communicating with her husband, long actively alcoholic, finally solidly sober.
She was invited to speak about herself instructing rules, and this was what she said. When my husband was still drinking, this rule saved lots of fights which could only make things worse. But when he was sober, and real personality problems came into focus, I certainly needed this rule. Anything I might say that seems critical of him as a person would make him react emotionally and defensively. If I have a grievance, I just tell him how I feel about it.
I just state the case without telling him how I think it should be resolved. By leaving the choice up to him, the door is open for a mutual coming to terms with the problem. I rarely missed a meeting. Then why did it take so long, I wonder, for me to see the light? I have finally realized that I never even accepted Step One! I never released my tight grasp on the idea that my sole purpose was to win the battle with my husband and get him sober.
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